I'm in a terrible jam and looking for suggestions. Please no jokes or snide remarks.?

Im sorry, I don't know a lot but I do know that D.C. is one of the only places that is still thriving despite the recession because of all the politcal jobs. You sound smart but the first thing you must do is get a job, it does not really matter as long as you get one you can live off of. After you get a job you can live in an apartment and look for a better job while you live off the one you currently have. You could get a job teaching if you have the right education... Anyway good luck you can make it.